Finding Comfort in Music
Sara Bareilles in Waitress, photo from Playbill
Music has always been a part of my life. As a child you learn the alphabet and how to count in song. You also learn how to be kind and respectful to others. Preschool and grade school are full of songs, helping to give your mind a break from learning and to destress. You get to dance around, get your energy and stress out, and just have fun learning.
Music helps you feel in ways you can’t explain. Music is there when you need cheered up, need to tell a story, need to cry, or feel angry. Musicals are a big part of the lives of myself and my family. I love how dancing, acting, singing, and music come together to tell a story. It’s beautiful.
Music has always been there to help me over the years, there’s an artist and genre for all the ups and downs. It wasn’t until I was seven years into my diagnosis with Trigeminal Neuralgia and was at an all time low, physically and mentally, that I fully appreciated the power of music. I was being swallowed whole by pain, I couldn’t find my way out. I’ve failed medication after medication. Procedures have stopped offering the relief they previously did. I was alone with my thoughts for years, unable to share what I was thinking, needing to only use a few words at a time to share the hurt and dark emotions I was feeling inside.
My husband has listened to Sara Bareilles for years. I’ve always liked her music, her authentic lyrics, the way she can describe pain, how she makes you feel. In my darkest moments, she’s been there to encourage me.
My daughter has found a home in musical theater, it’s taken over our lives. We love our local community theater, it’s become our second home. The season opener this year (2025) was Waitress. If you love the theater, you know every song.
It wasn’t until I heard Jenna sing “She Used to Be Mine” in person that I finally understood the power of that song. My eyes teared up. I realized at that moment I was mourning the loss of my old self, that I couldn’t go back, that I had to move forward and bring the important pieces with me. I needed to figure out who I now could be.
She Used To Be Mine
“She Used To Be Mine” was written by Sara Bareilles for the Broadway musical Waitress. The song is about a pregnant waitress that is reflecting on the dreams and the person she once was. Unlike me, the lead Jenna is a pregnant waitress in an abusive relationship. Like me, Jenna is reflecting on the dreams and the person she once was and is realizing that she has lost the hope of escaping. The lyrics are emotional:
[Verse 1]
It's not simple to say
That most days I don't recognize me
That these shoes and this apron
That place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
[Verse 2]
It's not easy to know
I'm not anything like I used to be
Although it's true
I was never attention's sweet center
I still remember that girl
[Chorus]
She's imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won't ask for help
She is messy, but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up
And baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine
[Verse 3]
And it's not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a backdoor
And carves out a person
Who makes you believe it's all true
And now I've got you
While Jenna’s story doesn’t exactly match mine, I feel the lyrics deeply. I used to have fire in my eyes, I had hopes and dreams. Trigeminal Neuralgia and the pain it brings has taken so much from me. I’m broken and it’s hard to let people in, to ask for help. I’m messy and kind. I’m lonely most of the time even though I’m surrounded by those that love and care for me. Who I used to be is gone, but she used to be mine.
Find Music That Speaks To You
If you’re struggling like I am to let go of who you used to be and to find who you can now be, I encourage you to listen to her music. I hope you can also find yourself in music and find your way back to the light. Music is powerful and emotional. Sara‘s voice and lyrics calm me down when I’m all I feel is the horrific pain and loneliness. She gives me hope when it’s hard to find.
To Sara Barielles - if you read this, thank you. You’ve brought me back countless times from the deep depths of pain and darkness. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for saving me each day and showing me I still have strength left to fight. I am eternally grateful.
